Cognitive dysfunction as a symptom of multiple sclerosis (MS) may be the one that makes me the saddest. I can get angry at the “MS hug” and frustrated with trembling hands, but being mad at how my own brain and though patterns are misfiring is a little too complicated. It is also the symptom that is the hardest to talk about with people without MS, as it often comes across as a lame-sounding apology for being “ditzy” or is met with people mentioning how forgetful they have also become since they had children or turned 70.
Sure, we all misspell words sometimes or leave something off a list. However, many of us with MS have a moment that we can point to as evidence that the cognitive neurons are not as robust as they used to be. My “big moment” came when I intended to dash into a store to pick up some last-minute holiday wrapping supplies. I got into the middle of a big display area of giant shelves of shiny, colorful paper and ribbons – there was loud Christmas music blaring, twinkly lights blinking everywhere, and people grabbing at sale items while screaming at their out-of-school children. All of this “input” combined to not only completely make me forget what I came for, but to completely immobilize me. I don’t know how long I stood there staring uncomprehendingly at the whole scene before something jarred me back to reality and I fled from the store, empty-handed.
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