Seeking Support When You Don’t Receive it From Home

Whether you were just diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis or have had MS for years something that doesn’t always change is how the people around you react to your need of support. Some people are very lucky and have family and friends who are actively there to provide support, to take interest in learning about MS, and to do their best to try to really understand what you are going through; to understand the pain you feel that is so difficult to describe. I envy those people. Don’t get me wrong, I have support here at home, but I have never felt like I had the support I wanted. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations? After all, how can we expect the people around us to know exactly what we need when we are down if we never communicate those specific needs?

It’s no secret to those closest to me that communication was never one of my strongest attributes and even though I feel I have greatly strengthened that “skill” over the last few years, I believe my inability to properly communicate has burnt down many bridges keeping me in a world lacking the support I want and need from people. That will change but it takes time; time to reinvent who I am, how people look at me, and what people feel I need. Even though I have come to this realization and am trying to change and better myself, the world spins on; “life” keeps happening. So this problem I am describing? It is still a problem even though I am trying to fix it; I mean, just yesterday I realized I was expecting something from someone whom I never told what I needed… That was not fair of me.

So, I know it’s not healthy but I found it much more simple (at the time) to learn how to deal with my problems and emotions on my own. The problem with this is that I was simply suppressing my emotions; bottling them up inside. But still, even now, when I do try to open up and I don’t receive the reciprocation I was hoping for? It’s very disheartening; I experience a rush of pain and rejection that leads to anger and depression and so many other negative emotions. I have realized though that this is not at all fair to the people around me; to look at them like it’s their fault or that they don’t really care. It would be like me working on a puzzle and realizing I need help finding a specific piece. I go to someone and ask for that piece but don’t describe the piece; the details of what kind of piece I need. How are they to know what kind of piece to bring me? There are just so many possibilities and what are the odds that they can guess what kind of piece I need if I don’t actually communicate it to them? And then to be angry when I don’t receive the piece I need? Not cool…

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