Lately I’ve noticed I could care less and less to get out of my own space and socialize, and it takes something special to motivate me to gather with friends or family either in person or even on line. It’s not that I don’t still like (most of) them – it’s just I find I have no desire to go. This partially has to do with energy levels as well as my own attitude toward solitude.
Needing help can be exhausting
Maybe it’s because I’ve grown tired of the looks on the faces of others when they insist on helping me when I can do whatever task it is at hand. Yes, their offers are well intentioned, but like a child I want to scream ‘I can do it myself!’ whether it is insistence to carry my plate of food from the buffet line to the table or simply pick up something I’ve dropped on the floor. Sure MS makes many of those actions slower and tougher for me to do, but it’s still good for me to do it for myself. I know these people mean well, but nonetheless it stirs my mood, and by avoiding these situations altogether, I feel better or at least less confrontational about my accumulating disabilities.
Social media can take a lot out of you
I certainly understand why any of us might want to hunker down and not interact with others, particularly out on social media these days. I find myself avoiding Facebook unless necessary because so many people believe there is no longer a need for civility or facts. I like to think I understand and have respect for facts and then assume others feel the same but this past year or so has been troubling to realize facts mean nothing. This applies to politics and cures for MS – both are fraught with lies, half-truths and worse. The same goes for civility and kindness – I can usually ignore the comments from strangers who want to read my writings and then hide behind the anonymity of the internet to tell me I am an idiot, but the harsh social commentary that has come from people who I always thought of as compassionate and caring, is jarring and make me want to retreat further. MS is enough of a monster to live with – I don’t need to allow more beastly actions into my space.
